ADHD After Dark: Better Sex Life, Better Relationship by Ari Tuckman
Title: ADHD After Dark
Author: Ari Tuckman
Year Published: 2019
Main Topics Covered: Psychology, Mental Health, Relationship
Written for: Heterosexual Men & Women with ADHD or with an ADHD partner
Recommended for: Heterosexual Men & Women with ADHD or with an ADHD partner
Perspectives taken: Psychological, relational, couples
Type of Resource: Self-help/skill building
APA Citation: Tuckman, A. (2019). ADHD after dark: Better sex life, better relationship. Routledge.
ADHD After Dark is an informative read for men and women who may have been diagnosed with ADHD or who are in a romantic or sexual relationship with someone who has been diagnosed. Based on a relationship and sex satisfaction survey of >3000 respondents, it is a data-driven exploration of themes and issues in the lives of those with ADHD and who are interested in having better sex. Ari Tuckman, PsyD, MBA is a psychologist working in private practice in Philadelphia who has been involved in a variety of ADHD associations and support groups. He was pleasantly surprised at the engagement levels in the survey, and this book itself reflects this sense of optimism. According to Tuckman, sex is an underemphasized category in ADHD research and he demonstrates, through participant commentary and survey results, that commitment to enhancing sex can be rewarding. Although the content is basic, there is room for the diversity and uniqueness of ADHD and its role in relationships.
No less than 5046 comments from survey participants have produced a navigation guide for an enhanced sex life. There is emphasis first on addressing vulnerabilities and the silence of early diagnosis. Recognizing the reality of ADHD symptoms and how they show up in the relationship is necessary in order to improve communication and manage obstacles. Not only routine aspects of a sexual relationship but also the personal or even taboo themes such as porn and masturbation should be addressed. Overall the content is arranged into combinations of the four following categories: ADHD women, ADHD men, ADHD women, ADHD men in heterosexual relationships, and how they each experience sex and relationships. Data comparisons are made in order to demonstrate themes across categories. There is a disclaimer that based there was regretfully not enough data to report accurately on queer relationships. The book begins with an introduction explaining how to read the book, which serves as a useful guide. Each chapter contains helpful comments and insights from individuals and couples across a range of topics, and each chapter ends with “takeaway lessons”.
The book is divided into three sections, Section I The Lay of the Land, which discusses how sex research is underfunded, Section II Principles of Great Sex Lives focuses on correcting previous myths about sex and providing helpful information, and Section III Overcoming Specific Issues considers certain obstacles and how to effectively address them. Practical and encouraging, the beginning of this book addresses the “double sword of sex” and how sex can be great if it is going well and on the other hand can cause distress, frustration, shame and resentment when it is not working in a relationship. With this in mind, there are several ways to view sex within each unique set of relationship circumstances for practical management and treatment of ADHD effects. This book focuses on the question of “what is the best advice?” and applies it to specific ADHD couples' situations. There is valuable data on symptoms, treatment and medication that explain how to best create a practical commitment plan for change.
Altogether this book consists of seventeen easy-to-read chapters, covering issues ranging from history, communication, scheduling sex, sex drive, porn, masturbation, kink, performance and pleasure, affairs, and consent. This book serves as a fun and practical overview of ADHD and all subjects are handled with care. Enjoyable commentary from the community is an added bonus. Tuckman creates a sense of normalcy and support within a practical framework.
